Parenting a Teen

My biggest mistake was believing I had the perfect child. Most of us do right? I was trusting, honest, and just knew I was raising a great kid. Well teens today take those vulnerabilities and spend them like cash. When I realized my child was no longer perfect, was the day his school called to inform me I had to meet with his principal in regards to his absenteeism. What? I take him to school everyday, he doesn't have any absentees. Or so I thought, it seems that I would drop him off only to find out someone else picked him up and they were off spending the day as they pleased. That was a big shock to me, my loving beautiful son was lying to me, what else was he doing? Where was he spending his day? And with whom? That's when Detective Mom emerged. This is also the day my life changed and I asked "what did I do wrong?".

I didn't have a great childhood, divorced parents that fought over every minute of my time. I swore I would never do that to my child, I would love them and no matter what would never talk bad about their father. I was lucky, I married my high school love and now 18 years later still here a family. I had it all, great husband and a beautiful son. We wanted more children, but the cards weren't in our favor so, my son was it and became my world. He was very active, played soccer, football, baseball, had lots of friends, had both parents to come home to, everything "right". So where did I go wrong? TRUST!! It became my downfall, I believed him in all aspects friends, where he was going, what he was doing all of it. He was my "only child" he was going to do things I didn't get to do, have every opportunity I didnt get, I gave him anything he needed, so what happen?

Well detective mom found out, and let's just say I broke, literally devastation of the highest. After learning of the skipping of school it all started falling, I found out about the sex (my 14 year old boy was having sex), then it was the drinking, then the drugs. What happen? What did I do wrong? Now some of you are probably saying, so all teens go through this, what's such a big deal. Well yes, all teens have sex, drink, do drugs, but not my child, that happens elsewhere to other peoples kids. Okay, here is where all the mistakes start happening. First, I grounded him (he ran away), I took him to school and stayed and watched him go in the front door and called every class period to see he was there (he quit school), I took him to rehab (he ran away from there). My life to say the least was turned upside down. Now, because he quit school, he was no longer the quarterback of the football team, he was no longer the starter of the basketball team, I was no longer volunteering at the school. Since I sent him to rehab he was no longer talking to me, he basically treated me as the worse person on the planet, my only child hated me. Now fast forward 6 months, of fights everyday, stealing, lying and leaving in the middle of the night with no word. My family was gone, in the blink of an eye, yes my husband was here, but we fought all the time, or didn't talk at all. My son was a stranger and because of his actions I had lost most of my friends. So the question "where did I go wrong" was in full stream. I handled it all wrong, I did what I swore I wasn't going to do and became a prison warden and I lost my son because of it. Will I ever get him back? Now 2 years later, we still fight often, I don't trust him, he is fixing to be 18 and all I can say is I can't wait for him to move out and be his own responsibility. What kind of mother says this about their own child? Their only child? Mistakes, there are so many now I can't even keep up. I lost the only thing that I thought I had done right, my world, my baby boy. I have tried to go to counseling, but he just sits says nothing, and the days following are awful. I tried the loving and understanding approach, but the hurt is so deep it's hard to be honest. I have tried to talk to other parents, I have research online,bought parenting software and books, nothing helps.. I think mostly because when it all started I treated him as a 2 year old that I could old back and instead I turned him into something else, someone I didn't know anymore. That was my mistake, not listening only judging, not seeing his side of it, only telling him how screwed up his life is, not giving him a way out or a feeling of reassurance that I was here for him, only anger and disappointment. Now what, I wake everyday with the hopes that today is the day he realizes what he's done to his life, I pray all the time that he will be my son again, I stress out constantly of where he is and what he is doing. My wonderful family gone!! All from my actions, this is where I want to help someone, before my life becomes a typical life for others. I hope my story will help someone, who is facing similar problems not make my "mistakes".

Do you ever ask yourself, where did I go wrong? I find myself more and more asking that question. Which is where the idea came from that if I am acknowledging my mistakes then someone else is probably doing it too. Then the thought accrued what if we talked about our mistakes and overcame them or even learned from them. What if we put our mistakes out there that others could learn from or avoid all together. This is the thought behind this blog... We all have mistakes, simple and complex, life changing, overwhelming, and some that never go away. I want real mistakes ones that people relate to or are intriguing for others to hear. I want emotions and lots of feedback. If you share your honesty then this plan could work. We all have heard the saying "there's always someone worse off than me". Why is that? Is it because no one told someone that life changes and no one is perfect? Is there actually someone out there that has never made a mistake or had regrets? I'm sure that "perfect life" still has secrets, matter of fact I'll bet those are the ones that will respond with the best stories. I want something great to come from this forum. So to start it off it only seems fair that I start with the mistake I awake to everyday, and in telling my story maybe others can correct their mistakes before they happen.